Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
