hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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