my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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