She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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