he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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