I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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