Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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