Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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