I was born with a shot glass in my hand
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
do nipples grow back?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
