She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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