i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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