Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
