Don't make out with my wife yet
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
