if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
