He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
