I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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