I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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