Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
