I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
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My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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