I need help removing her.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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