ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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