if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
