Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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