Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
