Christians are straight up FREAKS
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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