Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
