You smell like a Billy Joel song
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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