Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
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i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
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I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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