the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
