Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
