i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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