lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
