It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
