The maid of honor just puked.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
