im drinking this country out of the recession.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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