well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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