just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
