my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
