didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You are a genius and a whore.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
