His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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