I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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