Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
