I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
