your parents love me but you hate me
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
