This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
