so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
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an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
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She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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