i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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