How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
