oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
