Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
