there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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