Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
