The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize