I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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