Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
