i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What drink are we having for lunch?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
