Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
