Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
