I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
