Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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