Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
