when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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