my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
