At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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