he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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