remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sext me about skeletons
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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