Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
