i would punch a child for taco bell
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
