i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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