Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
