2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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