I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When did angry sex become our thing?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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