Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
