I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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