wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
