Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize