While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
