Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
