I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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