Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
