so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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