I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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