I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
