She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i would punch a child for taco bell
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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