i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
