I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
