it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
